Thoughts of a Future Father

I saw something interesting the other day while standing in line at a food truck.

A family of a mom, a dad, and a young boy and slightly older girl were in line in front of me.
Next to them There was a big 5 x 3 sewer grate, and the kids were looking down into it, marveling at its depth.

The father, watching over them, looked at his son and said: 

“Don’t fall in, cuz Nobody gon ‘ get you out.”

The mother, then speaking to the daughter, said:

“Get away from there it’s dangerous!”

The girl immediately rushed to her mom’s side, and eyed the grate suspiciously from behind her mother’s leg, while the boy inspected it curiously, but with attention to his footing as he explored the grate.

The double standard immediately struck a chord with me, because I’d seen it before.

Why do we train our sons to mitigate risk on their own, but not our daughters?

The father warned his son to be cautious and aware of his safety, and that if trouble occurred, he would need to take accountability for it. Of course the father would get him out, if the need came. But the boy was able to grow in maturity because he was given a level of responsibility over his safety.

Meanwhile the girl was simply scolded. Her lesson was, don’t be curious. If something has potential for risk, you run. Be afraid and back down. Let your brother be adventurous and explorative. You stay here instead.

I think about so many other scenarios, about how this may play out in this young girl’s life. I imagine her in school, wanting to try a sport or club, or even make a new friend. Will her parents words ring in her ears telling her its too dangerous?

When she’s choosing a college or career, will she back down from something new, foreign, and possibly risky?

How much will she miss out on in life because she was taught to put away her childish curiosity for the sake of vague safety?

Our children are natural explorers who see the world with eyes more colorful than ours.
We should train them to be aware of danger, yet allow their hearts to be alive with imagination and joy.

As a man with no children, but who will be a father one day, I leave my final thoughts here:
I will raise my daughters as I raise my sons. To be responsible, curious, brave, and yes, to take risks.

“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”

-John A. Shedd