Oh Holy Night - How I’m honoring Jesus this Christmas.

It seems that every year since I became an adult, Christmas gets more and more less special.

Gifts get sparse, family traditions change, and as my adulthood progresses, the world just feels a little smaller and a lot less magical.

Since I was a teen, a deep, and sometimes very dark, depressive gloom clouds my thoughts about a week before Christmas, and I find myself agitated, nihilistic, and unappreciative of the goodness around me.

But there’s also a remedy that without fail seems to always lift my spirits - Christmas songs.

Specifically, deeply Christian songs and hymns that fill my heart with warmth and a joyful thankfulness I can’t explain. The last few years, “Oh Holy Night” in particular has resonated with my spirit in a way that it arrests me.

If I hear it, I have to sing it. It’s non-negotiable and unavoidable.

Thankfully it mostly plays at church services, where I can hide my flat notes in a crowd of friends.

I’ve spent the last 6 Years behind the computer at the back of my church, creating and presenting the slides we all sing along to, but taking only a few chances to step up to the mic myself. It’s equal parts fear of failure and fear of success. I want to do it desperately, but I want to do it WELL more than anything. 

Today, after practicing my slides for our annual Christmas concert,  I found myself unable to accomplish any of my goals because of the irresistible NEED to record and sing “Oh Holy Night”. 

So I did what any rational person would do, and I put every responsibility on the back burner, set up my equipment, created the music arrangement, hit record, and turned my voice into a choir of heavenly hosts to record my rendition of the song that won’t let go of my spirit.

I’ve realized that If I put my hope in the “holiday season”,  family, gifts, or anything except the story of Christ’s Birth, Death, and Resurrection, I will be severely let down.

I’ve been in a dark place simply because I wasn’t focused on the light of the world.

This Christmas, I am so thankful to have the opportunity to honor God with the gifts he has given me and the skills I’ve learned.

I’m celebrating without my gloom this year. Because I’m looking into that bright and heavenly light that is the true reason for the Christmas season. 

Anyways, for all my voice lacks, I pray the beauty of the song touches you. Enjoy :)